I've lost it. My integrity, the fortitude of my being. I'm no longer the person I used to be. I've become a fickle soul, indecisive about the choices to make, unsure and doubtful about everything.....

I live by my vision of uncertainty. A ritual that I continuously go forth. And it's difficult to adjust myself to reality when I routinely doubt myself and be pessimistic about everything that I do. I try to better myself in organizing my life, but it always goes down hill. Instead of pushing and exceeding myself back up again, I just get dejected and spiritless that I lose myself, give up, and not even undertake anymore sacrifices. And this.. is killing me.

I'm guessing... my chances of going back to school is indefinite. i don't like public schools. they don't give a rat's ass. too many people and it's just too much of a hassle. and it'll be hard to pay for all the fees when you don't have the money. my plan b, join the air force. what can i lose? they'll help me with everything, especially build up my confidence. what else? money for school!? anywaaaaaays, i need to sign up soon. i need to study.

-ROSELLE